I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im six kinds of drunk right now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
