I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
