Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
