ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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