Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
