Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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