What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
