If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
