grandma shit on top of the toilet
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
