i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
