She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
