He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
