Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
