Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
