i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
