elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
