Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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