I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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