You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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