it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
