DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
