did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
