You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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