I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
