remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
