I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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