you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
