Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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