My hand turned me down
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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