His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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