Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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