Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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