just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
