I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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