oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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