I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
