so that wasnt chicken after all
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
