Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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