Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
