I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
