your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
