Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
