i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
