I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
