i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
