too bad you live with your parents still
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
