Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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