I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
