I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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