Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
